Tuesday, March 15, 2011

sicky poo

I have never been to the doctor as often as I have since I started dental school, except for maybe when I was born or something... and even then! First I had a weird hurty pustule, next I had lower right abdominal pain for over a week and saw three different doctors for that, none of whom could dx me. Next I have this wicked cough that sounds like a seal barking for a week... and I am so desperate I must go get medication so I can sleep (and so my bf can sleep too). The events for which I have NOT seen a doc for this year include: pretty much fractured toes and ongoing sternum pain. Why? Because there's nothing anyone can do about that or no one can dx me!

I am just afraid the doctors are going to think I am a big hypochondriac, which I am definitely not. I have just had poor health for this year... attribute it to whatever you want. All I am saying is that it's super super annoyinggggggg spending all this $$ on doctors who don't even give me answers. For spring break I have to go to the optometrist, obgyn and possibly dentist for all my yearly appointments I have been putting off. Plus after all this I want to see my naturopath so she can detox me. I am a mess!!!! When did I get so old?!

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

sans sweets.

McQ, the model

Cutest pic of BF ever

more modeling

This is the first year I am officially doing lent! Honestly, I don't think it has ever been emphasized to me to do lent, and before I thought it was only in the Catholic sector of Christianity. But I now understand the meaning behind it all. So for lent, I have chosen to give up sweets. I LOVE sugar. So much more than I realized now that I cannot just trot over to my cupboard and pop a piece of chocolate into my mouth. And today, Dannielle had cakes and cupcakes galore for her bday and I could not touch a single one, although the smell of it was divine. It's funny how giving up something can make you appreciate it that much more!

Today in clinic I was quite upset because I was experimenting with different instruments, and I found a ball burnisher that was the appropriate size to use on pediatric restorations. Unfortunately, my restoration kit did not HAVE that ball burnisher (it was Dannielle's). When I asked the faculty if I was able to obtain one, they said no. But they did not just say no, they said it in an annoyed fashion, as if I was wrong to even ask. That really upset me because, as I explained, I have been having trouble doing my restorations and this instrument actually helped me doing it. In fact, I ALMOST failed my last competency because I was having THAT much trouble doing them. Wouldn't you want to help a student out and if it's as easy as procuring an instrument that helps her, would you not do it? Well I understand that this is not always possible, and there are procedures and whatnot, so I just asked Amazon instead. And now, my little 27/29 ball burnisher is in the mail!! :) Happy ending to this tale of woe. Haha.

Now back to neurons, Golgi Type I and II.

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

misplaced fear

If it's been one time it's been a million
Try to be perfect but it's tearing me apart
The fear of failing is so familiar
But you're breaking down the fences in my heart
I'll slow down breathing in
breathing out

I'm waking up I'm breaking out
I'm leaving behind the fear and doubt
I'm letting go I'll trust and fall
Cause I know there's healing in your arms

So I've been striving running in circles
Through the fight I've forgotten who I am
God I am longing to break the cycle
To lose myself so I can start again
Slow down breathing in breathing out

It's time to give it away gotta give it away
(Give it away) Let your love take over
Love is way you came you gave it all away
(Give it away) Now love is taking me over

Oh yes I know there's healing in your arms
There's healing healing in your arms

Where do we get the courage to do things? I think as I grow older I have less and less courage, why is that? Is the reality of what we have been through setting in? Do negative past life experiences cause us to use more caution? I suppose that is what we are meant to do, to change with experience, but shouldn't the positive from taking risks also play into it? I just find myself looking back and wondering where I got the courage to do things such as travel to Japan alone for six weeks, remain the President of a sorority full of back-stabbing and negative energy, apply three times to dental school, get a tattoo... and how I now feel apprehensive at the sight of all the responsibilities that lie before me as student body vice president, ASDA secretary and health fair coordinator... and dental student in the midst of one of the toughest classes we will encounter in dental school. I know I can do it, I am all about full platters and glasses half-full. So when did this anxiety creep in? When did this feeling of "what am I supposed to do" appear? I know that I will accomplish everything I need to, only through the strength of Christ.